10 Simple Steps to Help You Get Started

Girls Can Be So Cruel
Here are a few simple steps that should help you get started as a Dom.  I wish I would have known these things back when I first started dominating my hubby and I hope this helps make your journey into female dominance easy and fun.

1. SLAVE JOURNAL.  I found that it was often difficult for us to talk about our respective needs.  A few years ago I made him buy a floral journal that is clearly for a woman.  (Even though it was perfectly fine I actually made him return the first one and tell the sales clerk that his Mistress didn't like it).  We now keep the "Slave Journal" on the kitchen table and it was one of the best things I did.  He is responsible to read it each morning.  If I have any special demands that day, I write them in the journal.  I sprinkle in little humiliations, punishments and sexual treats however mostly I use it to dish out orders. Each day he writes a note to me.  This is the one place he has permission to speak freely, make requests, give me feedback, and tell me his fantasies. He is also able to express his needs in terms of the level of desire he has for submission, service, humiliation, or sexual release.

2. DAILY RESPONSIBILITIES.  I made a list of all the daily housekeeping tasks that I don't like to do.  These are now his responsibilities.  I have not washed a dish or cleaned a toilet in 3 years!  The key for me was to make one list that I update occasionally.  We keep it in the Slave Journal.  The list has between 1 to 2 hours of daily tasks such as cleaning the kitchen, taking out the trash, picking up dog poo, etc.  As nutty as it sounds, for those two hours per day he feels like the luckiest man on the base.  I know it sounds silly however he feels indebted to me, and OMG, he is so good to me!  I have come to believe that I am the luckiest girl on the base.  If he is home alone, he is to be naked however if I am home he must be clothed unless I have declared it a "Naked Day."

3. NAKED DAYS. About 10 days per month I use my power as "Queen" to declare it a "Naked Day."  What that means to my slave is that he is naked all day that he is home.  Despite the fact that we have been married for many years, he finds being naked in front of me to be quite humbling.  At the end of each Naked Day I allow him an orgasm as a reward for all of his hard work.  I will write more about orgasms for him however don't confuse this concept with the thought that I am putting out for him sexually.  When he orgasms at the end of a Naked Day, it is always through some form of humiliating masturbation.  BTW: I end Naked Days whenever I am ready to bring hubby back out of sub space and back into our life as an equal, loving, married couple, whether that is 3pm or 11pm.

4. THE DOGS. I understand from my research that not every submissive male is into humiliation, however rosy cheeks from embarrassment are what makes my slave tick.  We have two of the most adorable dogs, Andy and Sandy.  On Naked Days whenever the dogs come in from outside and re-enter the room, my slave is required to kneel and greet them in his most humble voice.  When he is in sub space he is also required to refer to them as Master Andy and Mistress Sandy as a reminder to him that he has lowest status in the household.  The great thing is that when I am gone, they are live beings that he is forced to interact with in a submissive manner and a reminder of his lot in life as a slave.  Imagine the major calling a dog Master and Mistress!  I thought of this one on my own and thought it was really clever!

5. HIGH PROTOCOLS.  I never really felt drawn to "High Protocols" like a lot of Doms however I do insist on certain rituals that keep him in his place and on his toes. My goal is to keep him in sub space and strip him of his dignity because I know that is what he wants. You may find rituals or protocols that are better for you however here are the ones that my slave must observe on Naked Days:  A)  He must drop to his knees whenever I enter the room he is in.  B)  He is never allowed to have his back to me.  C)  If I stand in front of him he is required to kiss my feet.  D) He is not allowed to use my bathroom and is required to clean my toilet while on his hands and knees each morning after I am done putting on my make-up.  E) He must eat all meals from a dog dish on the back porch.  If I am home I make him follow me on his hands and knees to the back porch and place his bowl outdoors on the porch.  I usually leave him a snide remark to go with his meal.  F)  He must pee in the back yard on all fours, lifting his leg like a dog.  G)  At the top of every hour he must stand in front of our full length mirror with his hands on his head and repeat 10 times in his most submissive voice, "I apologize for not having a locker room cock." (More about "SPH" small penis humiliation later).

6.  BE YOURSELF.  At first I tried to be like what I thought a Dominatrix was supposed to be and it never felt right.  I am not into the Dominatrix thing at all.  That's just not me.  I'm a demure girl from a small town in Rhode Island. Whatever you do create a style that you feel completely comfortable in.  My style is quiet but very strict.  I never raise my voice.  It took some practice and research however trust me when I say that I can be the cruelest of girls ever! He has told me that in the times I have pushed him beyond his comfort zone and made him regret that he was in this predicament that these later became his best masturbatory fantasies.

7.  MASTURBATION.  If it were up to him he would have two orgasms every day.  I use masturbation as his primary reward for being a good slave. Masturbation requires no work on my part and it is very embarrassing for him.  At the end of each Naked Day, I never offer to let him masturbate. Instead if he wants to cum, which of course he does, he must ask permission. When I am done with his service and nakedness I will tell him that I am ready for him to get showered, get dressed and return to his role as my husband.  I don't say it however if he wants to cum which he always does, he must kneel in front of me and with flaming red cheeks he says, "Mistress, may I please masturbate?"  I give him permission to masturbate every time or he seems unable to function back in the role of my husband until he cums so I never withhold orgasm as a punishment or he drives me crazy.  The way I let him cum varies widely and I have written extensively about this in the section called Orgasms.  

8.  BACK UP TASKS.  Some days he has more time than other days.  In the Slave Journal I maintain a list of things that need to be done around the house, but not necessarily that day.  Thus, when he has extra time he can complete some of the optional tasks.  If he does something that really pleases me in a timely fashion, he gets a pleasure reward.  If too much time goes by and I notice he has not completed an undesirable task, he is punished with work that is twice as hard as the original task that he procrastinated with.

9.  BREATHERS.  Breathers are critical to our Dominance/Submissive (D/s) dynamics.  I call them "Breathers" because they are a breather for me in terms of dominant energy.  I use Breathers when he wants to play and I don't have the time, interest, or energy.  I use Breathers sometimes when he is horny and I am on my period.  I also use Breathers on Naked days as a reward of sorts.  Breathers are ways for him to suffer for up to two hours but can never take more than 10 minutes of my time.  Like many submissives that I have read about, my husband has a very rich fantasy life.  I gave him one week to come up with a list of 25 tasks that he would find to be humiliating.  The Breathers are kept in an envelope in the back of the Slave Journal.  On Naked Days, or sometimes when he has indicated that he wants to play that night, I draw a "Breather" from the envelop and make him perform the Breather while I read, nap, eat ice cream or watch TV.  I generally pick the Breather from the envelope a day or two before I am going to actually use it so I can let it bake in my brain as I always try to expand on his fantasy so it has my own flavor to it.

10.  PUNISHMENT. In order for the D/s scenes and lifestyle to be real he must have the fear of genuine punishment looming over his head.  Let's say he has done a good job cleaning the house but not a great job, I punish him. Let's say he had a bad attitude, I punish him.  Let's say he forgets to do something, I punish him. I love to find reasons to punish him.  Here are some of the methods I use that have worked really well for me.  A)  I make him bend over, touch his toes and I paddle him with a ping pong paddle.  I reserve this for serious infractions and I give him very hard swats. He hates it and therefore rarely makes the same mistake twice.  B)  We have a tool shed that is as hot as a sweat box on some days.  I banish him to the shed, tie his wrists to the rafters and leave him in the dark for one hour with an overly ripe banana smeared all over his groin, ass and underarms as bait for the flies! C) I found this next one  on the Internet and it works really well.  I have him kneel on a spot in our house that has hard floors.  If I want him in my presence, it might be the living room.  If I don't want to see him, it might be on the tile in the shower.  Then I dump a bag of two different items on the floor in front of him.  White beans and red beans are my favorite.  He is required to remain kneeling until he sorts the two different colored beans into two different bowls.  He hates this punishment because it is uncomfortable and boring.  D) I think this is a fairly common punishment based on things I have seen in fem dom chat rooms, however making him write punishment lines is very effective, i.e., "I promise to put the toilet seat down."  My twist on this is that I have him use the toilet as a table.

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